Friday, June 12, 2015

Open Adoption Journey

I have been told how lucky I am to have the open adoption that I have with my birth son and his family. That I hit the jackpot when it came to his adoptive family. These statements really bother me.  I was blessed with an amazing open adoption. My birth son has two amazing and loving parents. I don't believe luck had any part in our journey. I believe there was a higher power involved. We were meant to be family.

I previously shared my story, but I didn't share one part. About a month before I found out I was pregnant, I was pregnant at this time though, I went and saw my uncle for the very last time. He was dying from colon cancer. When my family was getting ready to leave from home and I went and hugged my Uncle Skip for the very last time he whispered that everything would be ok in my ear. He told me that I would make the right decision and to follow my heart. At the time I thought he was talking about me enlisting in the NY Army National Guard. My uncle passed away two months later. When he passed, I knew I was pregnant but hadn't shared with my parents yet. I was scared. My mom was supposed to take a PALS class at one of the local hospitals. She had to postpone in order to go to Long Island with my dad to bury my uncle.

When my mom did go to finally take her PALS class a few months later, she knew I was pregnant and I was over 7 months mom walked into the classroom with a friend from work and overheard a group of women talking about being 40 and getting pregnant. The instructor asked what these women thought about turning 40 and adopting. My mom couldn't wait for class to end. As soon as she finished her test, she took it up to the instructor and asked her if she was looking to adopt. The instructor said yes and asked why, did she know of a baby? My mom told her yes and then told her about me. She drove home and gave me a phone number and then told me this story. That evening I called that number and I fell in love with this woman instantly. It just felt right.

In the beginning our journey wasn't easy. I didn't have much time to get to know them before placement. When my birth son was born, my mom called them to let them know their son was here. They rushed to the hospital to meet him. They swung by the nursery to get a peek before they came to see me. They stood in the nursery window trying to pick out their son and his dad joked about the moose in the back. He said I feel sorry for that mom. The moose was their son. As soon as he saw my last name on the bassinet he said oh, he is ours.  My birth son was 10lbs 3ozs at birth. When they entered my room they both hugged me as we all had tears. They brought me an angel and a locket. They told me I was their angel. The next day before they came to visit, they called to see if I wanted or needed anything. I asked for a milkshake. They not only brought me a milkshake but a dozen roses. One red one for every pound he weighed and two white ones for how close I would always be to their hearts.

In the beginning I didn't fully understand open adoption. It was still pretty new 17 years ago. I only asked them for one visit a year, his birthday. Needless to say they exceeded my expectations. They started inviting me to visit every month or two. I celebrated my first Birth Mother's Day with them. They just treated me with love. I know this wasn't easy for them. Every time I visited I did everything I could to make sure they knew they were his parents. I never considered myself his mom. I wasn't, I am his birth mom. The first year was the hardest for me emotionally. The time I spent with them was amazing. I was always happy when I was with them. The moment i left them, I was devastated. I can remember going to see my mom at work and walking in with tears streaming down my face. It hurt so much to say goodbye every time.

As a family we worked to make our relationship amazing. We barely knew each other when we entered this journey together. Our agreement was verbal and sealed with tears and hugs. We learned to trust each other. We learned to love each other. We grew to be a family. In the beginning we made it all about my birth son. He was the most important member of our triad. I love my birth son's parents. They are my family! I love my birth son! He is also one of my closest friends. I treasure the relationship I have with each of them. We were meant to be a family. I am forever grateful that we became a family.

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