From the day I decided on adoption my parents have stood by my side. Their love and support never wavered. I know my decision was hard on them. I chose to place their first grand child with a family. My mom found the family for me. My parents went to our first meeting. My mom was at the hospital with me and at court with me. She was there every step of the way. My mom has been my rock from day one. My dad was there but he kept his distance in order to protect himself and in case he had to be there for me. He was terrified that they would leave. He wanted to protect me. I am forever grateful for the love and support of my parents. The turning point for my dad was a year and a half after placement my parents were asked to be grandparents to their second son that they adopted. My dad knew then that they were always going to be a part of our lives. My parents are two of the most amazing parents.
My brother and sister have never supported me. They love my birth son but are distant from his family and me. I used to be very close to both of them. Almost two years after placement I moved in with my brother. I was struggling with my emotions. I was suffering from depression. I moved out of state to live with my brother and that made things harder for me. I lasted 8 months living with him, it damaged our relationship. I will never forget my brother telling me to forget about my birth son and move on. I chose not to parent and I just needed to get over it. My sister and I are twins. She has never talked to me about my decision. They both are very distant towards me. I have decided that I no longer need their love and support. I can't cut them out of my life because of my parents. It hurts me daily to know the family I should be able to count on isn't there.
My maternal grandparents were amazingly supportive of my decision to place. The rest of my family says that my birth son isn't part of our family. Instead I rely on my amazing extended family. Lucas' parents. Terry and Andy opened their hearts and home to me the day I chose them. I am closer to them than most of my blood family. My husband supports me everyday. his family tries to be supportive but is very judgmental of birth moms in general. They believe I am an exception. I continue to try and educate them. They have told me to be grateful for what I have and that I shouldn't have bad days.
Family support is important to me but I have learned that family isn't always blood. My support comes from my parents, husband and Lucas' parents. With their love and support I am in a wonderful place. I'm enjoying my journey as a birth mom. I'm allowing myself to remember and feel again. I'm allowing myself to work through all of the emotions that I bottled up.