Friday, June 12, 2015
I had a conversation a few months back that I haven't been able to get out of my head. I recently talked with my mom about it cause it really bothers me, especially since the original conversation was with my mother-in-law. I have always been open about my open adoption. I was upfront about it when my husband and I started dating. I was also very protective of my birth son and his family. A couple of months ago, my in-laws asked my family over to dinner. My mother-in-law asked if she could talk to me in private. She told me she respected me for my choice and was proud of me. Then she went on to tell me about a friend of hers who had a miscarriage and was put in a room with a birth mother. My mother-in-law started judging this birth mother. I tried explaining that she was thinking of this child and the hospital should never have roomed them together. I was told that the birth mother was giving away her children as if they were trash. I told her that a birth mother doesn't give away their children, we place them into the arms of their loving mothers. She told me in this instance she couldn't disagree more with me. She truly believes that this birth mother could care less because she has placed multiple times. I was told she doesn't deserve my respect. I told her I not only respected this birth mother but love her as my sister. Afterwards I talked with my best friend because I was shaken up. My best friend asked me if I could see where my mother-in-law was coming from. Was the birth mother using adoption as a means of financial assistance? I educated my best friend and the adoption laws of New York. I explained that when I placed I received no money for my birth son. I never received financial assistance. My best friend looked at me in awe and told me that she never knew any of that. Needless to say, this conversation has been bothering me. I have decided that I will be approaching my mother-in-law and educating her on adoption laws for New York. My mom was bothered that my mother-in-law was so judge mental of a woman she had never met. A woman who chose life for her child. A woman who made a difficult decision. My mom is one of my biggest supporters. My mom is a huge supporter of all birth moms.