Friday, June 12, 2015

Lost First Love

When I found out I was pregnant over 17 years ago. I was scared. That afternoon I told the birth father. He was shocked. We sat and talked about what we were going to do. We agreed on getting an abortion. Neither of us was ready. We went to Planned Parenthood together. After the examined me, we sat in an office while they told us abortion wasn't an option. I was too far along. We went home together and talked. We were going to be parents. We started picking out names for our unborn child. We told our parents and had two very different reactions. My mom told me not to marry him. That wasn't even a thought. His parents decided to give him $300 to move to Florida with and forget about us. That's all their unborn grandchild was worth to them. I still have anger towards them for this. My ex told me on my 20th birthday that he was leaving and this wasn't his problem. He broke my heart that night. I truly loved him. I packed up all my stuff and moved home to live with my parents the following day. I lost my best friend and my first love on my birthday.

I recently attempted to contact him. I wanted to thank him for leaving. I now realize that the best thing he did for me was to leave. If he had stayed my life and my birth son's lives would have turned out completely different. I wouldn't have placed if he had stayed. I know we wouldn't have lasted. I am a stronger person.

I promised my birth son when he was born that I wouldn't ever bad mouth his birth father. I would tell him all about him when he is ready. I will be there to answer all questions. If he decides that he wants to meet him, I will help him. He is a part of my birth son.

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