My Heart Hurts

My son started karate in the beginning of May. I took him his first day and haven't been since. Friday is belt graduation day. I don't know yet if my son is moving up to his yellow belt. I have been in a funk since I found out about the belts. I am going to the ceremony and hope to see my son get his belt. This is a trigger for me. My birth son is a 3rd degree black belt in karate. I was able to see my birth son get all but one belt. I missed the one because of a college final. I wasn't there daily for my birth son. I chose to place him and to become a birth mom. I'm proud of my decision. I'm not able to be here daily for my son. I see him for half an hour before school daily. My heart hurts because I feel as though I'm not his mom just like I'm not my birth son's mom.