Be Respectful

I have noticed trends among some members of the adoption triad. I started my journey out only knowing the members of my triad. I have seen comparison and competition within the adoption community. We all need to remember that our journeys are all very unique. This weekend I went to my 20th high school reunion and caught up with some of my old friends. I was able to share my story and had some wonderful feedback. I found out that one of my classmates that I grew up with since I was five years old recently adopted a baby girl through an open adoption. It warmed my heart that we could connect and share. I could feel the love she had for the birth mother who made her a mom. I offered support to my friend and to the birth mom. I want to help others along with their journey by giving them tools and even some hope. As a birth mom I know that I can't speak on behalf of all birth moms. I can only speak on behalf of my journey. I have read blogs that say all birth moms feel shame and regret. That the only way you can be happy giving your child up for adoption is because you are brainwashed and drink the adoption kool-aid. I'm not brainwashed. I love my open adoption because of the opportunities it offered my birth son and myself. I chose to place him out of unconditional love. He deserved more than what I could offer at that time in my life. He deserved everything life had to offer. He has been given everything because of the amazing parents that I placed him with. I have never felt shame or regret. I have always been proud of my choice. I am proud to be a birth mother. I am proud of the woman I became because of my journey. Do not group all birth mothers, adoptees or adoptive parents together. Everyone is very different. We all were raised in different environments. I know not everyone has had the same journey as I have. Everyone has a right to how they feel. They have the right to use the terms that fit their journey. We have the right to be happy or angry about our placement. We don't have the right to gang up on each other and force our views on the other side. We need to love each other through out our journeys. We need to listen and support each other, no matter what side of the triad we are from.